The word “home” baffles me at times. Never could understand the unsuppressed joy of a kid when asked to go home. Maybe because I never felt at home. The only home I feel like visiting is the corner of my mind; and guess what..that makes me happy !! “happy” being another rarity of my emotions.
The flight back home wasn't so smooth, even irritating at times. I was asked for a security clearance three times, every time bringing up a new issue to detain me..but definitely my flight wasn't going to be detained. The Swiss Knife; my prized possession; was about to be confiscated and all you could do in defense was to argue, my obvious stupid point being “Its Swiss man !! ever been to Switzerland moron ?? this baby is precious..”. My zippo is gone, my screw driver confiscated..and I was standing at the metal detector doors like a figure of Apollo while the idiots frisked me for any other toys I might carry. Seconds were running like crazy bunnies with a forest fire chasing them. Got in the bloody iron dove just a second to spare. My encounter with Mr. Relax was short short-lived. I had two east european co-passengers !!!
Trust me; I tried my best to keep mum, being numb was by default a facility which I never requested. The two bloody hippos squeezed me like a lemon in a lemon crusher. One had a hairdo as if he combed his hair with an eggbeater. And then came the “t” bursts. A myriad of stupid questions about Calcutta with a “t” in every word..like “Kal Kutta” !! Fine, you wanna call me a dog, do it..but just not squeeze me idiots !! That excruciating two hours did end with a pungent memory of firangis with bad english but liked the guys new HP iPaq 9400. Its easy to love someone (or something ) but real hard to see her (or that) with someone else. Wont deny, I was J. I was all Hulk.
ROCK N POP
Delight, delight, delight !!! Mom (Rock a.k.a Mummy Lee) and Pop were there to receive me. But that wasn't the delight I was talking about. They were holding hands !!!!!! My Audrey and Peck blushed when I pointed out that they were on the right track to make a Victoria Memorial Holiday.
Slept on mom's lap all throughout the journey back home. Our driver vaiya was under the constant supervision of dad lest he misses a pothole and I wake up. Felt good, real good..being with my parents ..whom I misunderstood all along. Dad, I love ya..and I know the feeling is mutual. I'm sorry for being such a moron.
RESUME(s)....
For two days, I hogged liked a pig and was forced to disown my friend Mr. “Filthy Pig” Abhi. The luxury of my cozy room (which never was cozy when I stayed!!) almost made me forget, I am bloody jobless !! The realization came on the third day, when I went to buy a packet of fags for me.
I was short of changes; not that I needed any, but the feeling of being short of pennies almost chilled my spine and boiled my nerve cells urging me to do “something” to get me going.
The resumes went on like flying paper brochures thrown from a American plane on Jap land of 1944. The search was easy, the hunt was not. I thought; to get a job with my qualifications would be a walk in the park. I was wrong. Went back to Calcutta, for the hunt to begin and for a kill.
Eventually, the jobs started knocking at my door. Low scaled ones; insufficient to compensate my over priced education. A college interview went awfully bad, with me all burnt in the cheeks and ears. Realized, you gotta be a professor's son to get that job, for a certain Mr. Ghoshal , son of a professor was grinning when I trudged my way back beyond the hell's kitchen doors. Friends, i dint say, he was a son of a bitch..OOPSS !! said it..pardon ma foul words; ma
butterflies..
Hotels became my home. Room 29 was ma paradise after a long day. Haunted by depression, I succumbed to substance abuse. I went for an overdose of the anti depressant I was prescribed. Felt good, felt like the LSDs I once had. Felt bad, when my girlfriend called. She refused to talk to me,for I refused to make any sense when i talked to her...the dope was bad...that bad.
JOB
The second interview was a breeze. Got in. “Some” College. The student had now a job to teach students. And being me “ME”, the first day went bullshitting. And since again, its me..my bull craps, horse piss lectures were gulped like Martini with Cavier with a cherry on top.
Next day, I was prepared to get the glares n stares of a few rastafarians for i believed, they would come prepared. Went in like a midget, came out like Goliath. I was good at my game again.
GIRLS, TABOOS N VICES.....
Its not much of a joy to own a face which can land me back into my college classes. This baby face look is such a nuisance I so eagerly want to shed off. Nobody calls me “Macho”,”handsome” like I always wanted to hear...instead; “cute” runs like a devil with a pitchfork behind me just to mock at my miseries.
With a class strength of just twelve, it was quite easy for me to come out of ma shell. The response was overwhelming. I became what I was back with you all guys, with an exception off-course.....the girls.
I hate that dreamy stare from a girl, especially when I'm trying to concentrate. And hell yes, that I get plenty. But, these birds undah two years of age will nevah know, what turns me on.Been around a plethora of ladies, (some nt so lady like) who wanted a share of my time, but I got in them all the virtues I disliked, and none of the vices I love. These silly simpering girls went all for
my smoking habit as if they had the authority over all smokers and its their solemn duty to force them quit. The saga continues even today.
I have quit drinking, i'm hogging..but I damn need those bloody cigarettes.
DUMB(BOX) AND THE DUMBERER..
Hotel rooms, though pricey; comes with its own charm; the Telivision. I missed my favourite shows on Discovery, Nat Geo when I was a slave back in Pune. I was thrilled to see a rerun of Steve's croc hunt. The guys amazing.
But, crocs and snakes, shuttles and trucks do bore me in a while. Started flipping channels.A few good films with a sandwich in hand (or a Big Mac) could have made me feel better. The films on HBO was a disaster, for it seemed to me; theres not a film on earth I haven't yet watched. The search for d “decent” channel continued. And eventually my finger got stuck on Fashion TV.
The carnival of flesh was fascinating, wont deny that. The female form always did fascinate me, though sexual urges remains dormant (even fr d experienced guy I see daily in ma shaving mirror), for I love the form.I am not much of a motion guy.
That too bored me in a while. Click, click, click..and there I was watching the mutiny in Bangladesh. The clip showed a policeman carrying an enfield .303 rifle. He was running, n somehow the rifle belt got stuck to a close standing rickshaw wheel. The guy stumbled and fell on his face. Hilarious...now, thats what I call a mutiny footage. And then came the dope news..Adnan Sami has filed a lawsuit against his wife regarding the custody of their ..”labrador dog Rocky”..he he. Poor rocky should stick to the wife, else he will have to snatch dog biscuits from Adnan in the dead of night.
Night was the black vulture of Nefertiti keeping a close watch on me. The moment I would fall asleep, it would feed on my carcass. I knew that. I had to stay awake, I had a morning bus to catch. I have traveled more than a thousand K.m's last week. I know, whats it like to run for a bus..the only one to your interview (in this case, job).
BREAK, SHATTER AND NO FIX....
2:30 AM, was just about to hit the shack, the phone rang. The voice on the other side was and always will be soothing but certainly without dedication. It was my girlfriend.
Not much of a detailed summary to write about in here about what went then, but I was pretty much determined after years, not to hang around her anymore..not to be the second best.From the words of ABBA, “knowing me, knowing you..was the best we could do..n here we stand facing the sky”. The breakup was easy, the pain that followed wasn't.
But then, a man has to move on, especially from the crowd of neglect that will ruin his future. I am officially single again. I am a free-bird, but without a nest.
BUS
Was taking a bus ride the very next morning to work. The bus audio system was loud. The cacophony was intollerable. Some, idiot folk singer singing with a voice that would make Bobby McFarrin happy and words that would even make Madonna blush.
“geramer melay loiya giya..amai chuinya dili re..tuur moone aiy chilo jainle agey aistem re “!!!!!!!!!! (crudely translates to “U took me to the fair, jst to brush ur skin with mine...but I liked that..should have come before”) Imagine my plight ??!!! Switched on ma ipod to get away from the crowd and that bloody voice..but, i dont have much to complain about the words though.
Surprise, surprise...it was Leonard Cohen on ma ipod. I never really know, whats gonna be the next song because, i like it on the shuffle. But this was really a surprise, for Leonard was singing
“I'll take u to the fair..where wild roses grow..” !!!!
THE PLAN..
Guys, I've planned a trip to Goa all alone this may. I need some time to think of my own, for my own. Not many people left to call ma own though. Just me, my backpack and my camera..n m off..
PREP...
Ya, ya..the GRE prep is going fine. I'm doing good. I have decided to prove Mr.Darwin right this time. I have decided to survive. I have decided to smile. I have decided to move on. I have decided to be me.
Heartbreaks,miseries are works of god of death. And i'm not dead yet. From the mouth of Michael Clayton (George Cloony)..”I shit on the god of death”. I will survive, the way I can.
Posts
